5 - Oh!

Well folks,

Here we are. Another week, another set of challenges. This week, I am going to try to drive deeper in the sea of insanity. Mind you, I'll start off at the shallow end and then take you into the deep end quickly. If you like it, stay in. If you don't like it, you can leave peacefully. However, if you do stay in the sea of sanity, please no peeing... and now, the insanity.

So there I was, minding my own business, surfing the Internet and looking at the news. That's when this worthless waste of information came up and hit me so hard it caused intellectual aneurysm. So it seems that cops in Chicago are getting in trouble for hitting fleeing criminals...oops, suspects... with their police cruiser. The fun part is that these cops have the videos of the incidents.

Now, before you think that I'm going to go on some political rampage, let's me reassure you that I'm not going to shove my political or religious beliefs down your throats. There are too many sites that do that.

So, back to the cops, I figure that the reason these guys are running from the cops is not because they were caught loitering. Police do take a lot of heat. Granted, there are so low-lives out there that give the boys in blue a bad name. They, however, are a few. The rest of them are constantly dealing with some seriously weird stuff. Their job is stressful enough, without putting limitations on how to protect the public from dirtbags who live only to make our lives miserable.

So in the spirit of American Ingenuity, I have come up with a plan to help the police enjoy their jobs a lot more and reduce the stress to nearly zero. So, I have developed five easy ways to help reduce the stress.

5. Not only are they allowed to ram the fleeing suspects, but the police cruisers will have those giant wheat tiller things that you see on the huge tractors in the midwest.

4. The police will now carry .50 cal Desert Eagle Handguns with phosphate-tipped Talon rounds.

3. Everyone will have a partner that is just like Mel Gibson's character from the Lethal Weapon movies.

2. All of them can now say, " Dead or alive you're coming with me!"

1. Four words... lifetime supply of doughnuts.

Before you go thinking that I'm all about defending everyone, let me tell you that I have had my run in with the law. For those of you familiar with driving in the Gunshine State ( this is not a typo), you all know that driving here is a nightmare. There are those of us who try to driving like normal people. So, there I was, driving towards my family's house ( on I-275, driving by the airport). The speed limit was 45mph. I was going 50mph, with the flow of traffic mind you. Out of nowhere, in my rear view mirror, I see a motorcycle cop. I pull over to let him pass, but to my surprise he was pulling me over! I'm thinking maybe something was wrong with my signal or something.

Before I continue, let me give you a visual of this gentleman. He was 6 foot plus. He must've wieghed at least 300lbs! When I saw him on his motorcycle, The only thing that I could think was how much he looked like a huge Kodiak Grizzly Bear, riding on a tricycle from the Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus.

When he walked up to the car, I literally couldn't see his face. The only thing I could see was his gunbelt. This dude was gi-normous! I wasn't going to get stupid with Officer T.J. Hooker. ( ah yes, William Shatner's Golden Globe Gem). I handed over my license and registration over, as I trembled like a UFC pro fighter whose manhood and dignity have been taken by a sweet little old lady.

To say the truth, I was expecting him to give me a warning and send me on my way. Rather than that happening, I was left in the fetal position on the floor of my car. He gave me a $185 ticket!!!! I was 5 miles over the limit! Talk about hardball! The funny part was that he told me that my car looked like it was speeding. WHAT!!! I drive a Rav4. When people envision the Rav4, it is not speeding. I barely break evolution's speeding limit, let alone Tampa's speed limit.

Anyway, since Copzilla wasn't going to hear it. I shut it up and bit the bullet. As I left, all I can say is that I stopped at a Walmart and bought myself a radar detector. So if any of you visit Tampa,Fl be aware. Keep safe and dream big!