Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Only $19.95 For a Limited Time!


We're already half way through the year! This year has gone by faster than a thought of abstenance by a prom queen on prom night. As I sat here, at my desk at work, it dawned on me that I have to do my part to help save the world from itself. Before you go thinking that I'm going to dress up in spandex and run around fighting crime, let me assure that I'm not going to. I look terrible in spandex and I'm allergic to death.

I am reffering to trying to make my life less complicated in this day and age. Food is becoming expensive and gas has gotten to the point of just plain stupid. I would love to see how superheroes would function if they were real world. Batman would be mad as all blazes everytime the commisioner would call him. The Batmobile doesn't look like it's a hybrid. I bet it get like 7 feet per gallon. I can just imagine Batman fueling up that baby. I bet he's angry that he didn't buy a Japanese Import.
Anywho... Milk is also getting expensive. The other day, I asked the cashier at a local supermarket if I was paying for the cow's calves college tuition. Before you know it, milk will be on the New York Stock Exchange. It's going to be up there along with tech stock and precious metals.
I guess it's all good, though. Let's face it, the last two decades we have dedicated ourselves to become a really fat nation. We should thank those parasitic, low lives, armpit smelling, Opec execs for making gas so expensive. That way, we'll be obligated to leave our cars at home and actually bike our way to work, shopping, and anywhere else we need to go. They made it so impossible for farmers to use their tractors to harvest the food and to milk the cows that we are being forced to eat less. The way I see it, we will be a nation of ultra fit, super strong Americans within ten years. We will not need tanks or guns to go to war with. We'll have our brute strength. We'll be a nation of Hulks.
So if the other nations of the world hate us now, wait till they get a load of America Version 2.0. They'll pee their pants when they mess with us. Of course this is just wishful thinking. A man can dream though. At least dreaming is still free. Keep safe and dream big!

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