So there I was, minding my own business, when a strange thought entered my mind. I was thinking about my childhood when TV shows from my childhood popped into my head. As I thought about these mind-numbing programs, the grand daddy of them all popped in and layed to waste all brain cells that were left. I was thinking about CHiPS! Ah yes, the TV series the set the record straight and brought to light the truth about the California Highway Patrol.
I remember being mesmerized by the opening sequence. It usually went like this... The scene would be one of tranquility on the L.A. Freeway. First of all, for those who have ever driven on the L.A. Freeway, IT IS NEVER TRANQUIL! You can literally be the Pope and once you get on that freeway, you lose your soul to the devil. You want to kill everybody in your way. Anyway, a super hot blonde will be driving her Chevy Nova in the left hand lane, going 20mph slower than the slow lane. When, all of a sudden, some jokers speed past by them. This, in turn, causes the biggest car wreck in the history of American Automobile Driving History! They look like Lemmings smashing into each other! It's so re-freakin'-diculous. So, here come the CHiPPers. A big chase ensues, in which the bad guys get away. ( cue the disco music intro).
Now, for the rest of the show, you are subjected to the worst story plots and dumbest excuse for criminals the world has ever seen. The story plots usually involved Officer Frank Poncherello pursuit of a skirt and officer John Baker's plight to crack a freakin' smile. Along the way, they solve petty crimes, all the while riding their motorcycles.
Many things bothered me about the show. Below is a list of some things that really irked me.
- How come Ponch never caught an STD?
- How come Ponch was never seen with a woman?
- No one died in those huge car wrecks!
- Two words: moose knuckles
- They never drew their weapons!
- Not a single shot was fired!( It's L.A. for Christ's sake)
- How could they breath in those super tight uniforms?
- What the hell was the difference between CHiPs and CHiPs Patrol?
- What's the deal with Barney? Didn't they have wieght standards back then?
- Why were Eric Estrada's teeth so spooky white?!
As a kid, I didn't really ponder these questions. As an adult, they really got under my skin. I knew that there was something off about the series. I just didn't know what it was. However, I look back at those times and smile. They were the best times of my youth. Who knows? maybe one day somebody will write about how big of a crock shows from today are. Until then, Keep safe and dream big!
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