Alrighty folks, this is my 50th entry! I actually can't believe I actually stuck to something and kept going. The reason is I love writing and I enjoy making people chuckle, even at my own expense sometime. I have used this means as a way to release stress of the everyday life and to point out the stuff that upset us. However, I know alot of you have questioned my sanity. Sometimes, my topics are so far off the beaten path, I even wonder if anyone would get what I'm saying. Thank Goodness, that no one really gets what I'm saying.
Well, I also discovered that sometimes I am a bother. I've always known that I could get under people's skin. As a matter of fact, I made it an art form for awhile. The thing is I finally wised-up, but I still am doing my goober things. I really think that I have trained myself so well that I cannot break the habit. If I lost you already, don't worry I even lost myself. Let me give you a couple of examples of how big of a douche I can be.
I have been known to forget things. You know, birthdays, anniversaries, get well soons, funerals...the list is long. Well, how about forgetting your best friends name! That's up there with pretty low. I left friends stranded when they've asked me to pick them up and I forgot. I even once forgot to mail off someones income tax paperwork before the deadline! Do I mean to do it? No. I'm just that bad.
The best one was i once forgot that my ex-wife (this is back when I was married) was afraid of spiders. She would have a panic attack and go into shock if she saw one. Well...guess what Sammy-Pooh did. You guessed it! I had a fake spider. The damned thing looked so real! I put it on the bed as she was getting ready for work. Well, after I got back from the hospital ( after the beating that I got) I apologized for being a worthless douche bag.
To make matters worse, I used to hide around the house and jump out and scare her half to death. Now I know why I'm an ex-husband. You live and learn I guess. Besides, I wish her the best of luck as she travels through life on the bullet train to hell.
Anyway, back to my friends... Another one of my goof ups came early in my naval career. I was just finishing up Hospital Corps School and was assigned to the VA Hospital in Great Lakes, Illinois for my clinicals. I was working the geriatric unit and wasn't really enjoying cleaning old butts. Mind you, I do appreciate the sacrificial services given by our service members and veterans, but I just hated to wipe butt. Anyway, there I was, wiping butt. I had just got an elderly gentlemen who literally exploded in his pants. That was the mother of all dirty bombs! I never had such a desire of strangling someone with their own feces the way I felt that day. In the Great Lakes VA, they have a nifty little machine to hoist up the patient, while you hose down the flabby butt cheeks of the individual. It's pretty cool. So...back to the story...I was hosing down this guy deflated butt cheeks full of hot human fudge like it was a 5 alarm fire in the middle of the California wild fire season. This stuff wasn't coming off easy. I swear I needed a jackhammer just to get the light stuff off. That stuff was quikcrete cement! Oh my God, did I ever hate my life! Well, as I was hosing down Willy Wonka, one of my friends came in and interrupted me. Remember, I am very ADD. We began talking about our graduation and how we needed to have all of our paperwork straightened out before we left. The conversation took a dark tone when I realized that I had some paperwork that still needed to be filled out. Out of nowhere, another friend came in and told me I was late for lunch. I was really stressing out. So, off I went for lunch in order to clear my mind.
When I returned, the ward nurses were upset that I hadn't finished my notes. I was really at wits end. I went down the hall to cool off. After a few minutes, one of the nice nurses came up to me with a concerned look on her face. She came up to me and wondered if everything was alright with me. I told her about my problems earlier and she helped me out through them. Once she saw I felt better, she dropped a bomb on me. I HAD LEFT THE PATIENT IN THE CRANE FOR OVER AN HOUR! The poor guy was hanging there, nalgas in the wind, all that time! I felt so bad. Luckily, she covered for me and I didn't get in trouble.
That's the story of my life. I seem to forget very important stuff. I guess I'll be immortal. i figure that I will eventually forget to die. My friends support me and they deserve to be recognized. God only knows that I try their patience everyday.
Well crazy cats, thanks for hearing my out. Thanks for hanging in there. Don't worry, more of my life will be on display for your amusement. I hope you've liked my journey so far and I hope you stick around for more. Come back as often as you like. And remember as always, keep safe and dream big!
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