Father Knows Beast 2: The Wait

This was a very boring weekend. Although, I did help out my best friend, Rod, baby-prep his room. It's just amazing to see the way such a small human has got a vice grip on his nads even before he is born! So, there we were, destroying his room in order to accommodate the new bundle of joy. It took over two hours just to get it right. Solving the mystery behind Bigfoot took less time.

Then, I started to think about what else was going to change. First, no more playing Metallica, Pantera, Megadeth, or Pink Floyd. Now, it's going to be Bach, Beethoven, Disney Tunes, and even worse....Barney!!! No more watching ESPN Sportscenter, PTI, NFL, or college football. From now on it's Power Rangers, Barney, Sesame Street, and Winnie the Pooh. There will be no more drinking beer inside the house. Nope, no more drinking, unless it's Snapple or Capri Sun.

I give him two months of that before he starts going nuts. I wouldn't be surprised if he says afterwards that he gave the baby a tattoo of a cobra on the baby's back! Or even worse, he staples a goatee on the baby.

I really want to be there when he begins to change the baby's diapers. I will pay for that event. nothing say oozing machismo more than change a baby's diapers. I give him .002 seconds before he can taste his lunch in the back of his throat. This coming from the guy who watched "Cannibal Holocaust" and chuckled through it. He would watch "Faces of Death" rather than Sesame Street as a kid.

The cool thing is that we're all beginning to mature. Well.... they are. I'm still divorced, no kids, no one in my life, and fast approaching 40. My poliwogs are going way of the nursing home. The only way I'll have a kid is if I go to a third world country and buy one. Kinda bites. I guess God doesn't want any little Sams running around the planet. oh well...

I'm not criticizing the single life. I actually enjoy it. I get to do what I want and when I want. No one to bother me if I clean up or not. I enjoy it alot. However, I do love kids. I thought by now I would have a football team of kids. Instead, I spoil my friends kids to the point where the parents hate me more than the sickos who live here in Florida. I spoil them and then send them home to their family. Just wait till Little Rod shows up. I'll be worse than the nanny in "The Omen".

Anyway, the message of today's entry is that we all realize at one time or another we are getting old. Mother Nature loves to mess with you and then makes everything sag. Good times... Well folks, September's here. Have fun. Keep safe and dream big.