For those of you who think this time of year is the most joyous time of year, let me remind you of the headaches that this holiday season brings. First of all, we now live in an age where we must be careful how we greet one another. It used to be "Merry Christmas". Then, it changed to "Happy Holidays". Now, I have the foggiest idea of how we should greet each other. However, if you don't greet anyone, then you're considered a jerk. I don't get it. With that being said, I'm just going to focus on Christmas. I'll ask my friends to tackle another one.
Christmas time. The time of year when we reflect on the experiences obtained that year and the hope that the next year will be more prosperous than the current. We all know the Biblical stories of of the Messiah was born in a manger and how this time should be to reflect on the idea of peace on earth. All in all, it's a very noble concept. We all know it isn't like that.
First of all, the Christmas shopping! This event does not promote peace on earth. Far from it! let me give you all a rundown of how things really happen. You get into the car with your spouse/significant other and make your way to the mall. From the moment the keys enter the ignition, your loved one is bothering you. She/he is complaining about the way you drive. You try to explain that the 90 year old lady doesn't need to drive like a maniac and not use her blinker when she changes lane. It gets to the point where you want to push them out of the moving car and onto the highway, hoping a semi truck will shut them the heck up!
You finally get there and the mall looks like a mental hospital that is going through a riot! Parking is the ultimate test in patience. By the time you spot a parking spot, you at the point where you'll kill the Virgin Mary herself if she even tries to take your spot. As you exit your car, you mumble "I'm sorry" You know full well both of you are going to go at it like two deranged WWE Wrestlers before the end of the day.
The rest of the day involves getting gifts for everyone, to include people you had no idea you knew. The process is slower than evolution itself and you just wish that you could step into traffic and end it all. You fill up at least three shopping carts full of gifts and you haven't even gotten around to gifts for yourself or your loved one. You proceed to the check out line.
When you walk up to it, you notice that for the next several hours, you will be stuck in a line that is going to make you go postal. By the time you reach the disgruntled teenager cashier, you'll be so mad that you will literally tear her head off and slam it on the ground if she even makes the simplest mistake.
So after an eternity in that check out line, you make your way back to your car and try to fit all those gifts into the trunk and the back seat. Finally, a sigh of relief comes over you. You realize that you're nearly out of hell and you're going back to the solace and comfort of you home. However, like Saw's Jigsaw, there is one more obstacle you must face in order to make it out alive. A worthless used tampon has parked so close to your car that it seems physically impossible to get into your car. You even contemplate getting in your car "Dukes of Hazzard" like. After an small arguement with your soon to be ex, you open the door, while doing your best impression of the Incredible Hulk ( Hulk smash!).
By now, you're in you car. Your sweety pie is calling the cops to put a restraining order on you as soon as you both get back to the house. In an instant, it dawns on you why the old lady was driving like a maniac. She also was at the mall. And to think, this is just the beginning of the holiday season. Keep safe and dream big!
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