Fashion Terrorism

Hey crazy cats! This week has proven to be a very busy week. However, I have manage to witness some things that would be considered, by others, to be a crime. Take, for instance, my case in point. Have you ever met someone who seriously needs to tone down the way they dress. You all know what I'm talking about. There's always that one person you know that either shows more cleavage than legally allowable, the wear their pants so tight that you can tell their religion, or they wear so much make up that they put Tammy Fay Baker to shame. They go through life committing crimes against fashion humanity! The funny parts is that they don't even know that they are doing it! This is the ultimate in tackiness!


My story isn't about a woman who is more tacky than saltwater taffy. It is about a GUY! We, at the clinic, all know who he is. He comes in dressed like Morris Day on speed! His lack in taste is only second to his courage to wear the most insane clothing on the planet. Not even the most flamboyant homosexual male would dare to wear the clothes he does ( not even in private!) It's amazing that he hasn't made anyone scream in terror or even rip their eyes out.
Let me give examples of the sheer audacity the this individual has perpetrated against our sanity.

• He glues glitter on the tips of his shoes! Holy Jesus H. "tapdancing" Christ! Who would ever do such a thing?!!!
• He once wore gray tuxedo pants with a cheap UnderArmour knock-off t-shirt! Feed me nails and call me Rusty!
• He finds it ok to wear dress pants and a dress shirt with white sneakers! Where's the gun? I'm gonna put him out of his misery.
• He owns a sky blue long coat with fake fur collar and cuffs! Now you're getting ridiculous!
• He has more shoes than the Chinese Army! Someone call Oprah! the boy needs counceling!
• Pinstipes are always in fashion with him! Now, I'm mad!!!

The man is a walking El DeBarge video! He makes us laugh every morning when he arrives. He's like a train wreck! We've tried to tell him to tone down. It was like giving Hellen Keller directions and the keys to the car. If the folks at Queer Eye were ever to get a hold of him, they'd all committ suicide! There is NO makeover for homeboy! Milli Vanilli were Amish next to this guy.

I thought I've seen everything. This guy's wardrobe has more color in it than there ARE colors! The thing is that they are all bright and neon colors. The 80's have nothing on this dude. i don't know why he thinks he is attracting women. The only thing he is attracting is a group of spectators like at the scene of a homicide.

So... here I am. I'm asking everyone of you. Help me! We need advise on how to get through to Mr.Prince and Revolution. All your suggestions will be duly noted. In the meantime, I'll keep my barf bag handy. Keep safe and dream big!