Father Knows Beast

Well, another week has gone and another weekend is upon us. Thank God for weekends and paydays! Work wasn't bad this week. It wasn't good either, but that's ok. I'll soon be doing upgrades to the blog. I want to make it more enjoyable.

Anywho, moving on to this week's entry. My best friend recently told me he is going to be a dad. I am really glad that God has finally decided to slap him upside the head with a little bundle of joy. Fatherhood teaches everyone the reality of what it is to be human.... WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT!!!! Let me tell you a little about my buddy.

He is the most anti social person in the existence of the human race. He literally hates everything! Well, almost everything. He does like ESPN and beer. Anywho, it's hard to imagine him cuddling up to a defenseless little human being and be all cutesy. You may say, " Sam, aren't you being too rough?". I'll say to you," What are you crazy?!". This is the same guy who wore a t-shirt with an image of an alien embryo, dipped in formagahide in a glass jar on Freakin' Good Friday while he went to eat at a restaurant!!!!! This guy is as warm and fuzzy as a razor cut to the genitalia, while being sprayed with lemon juice and salt!! His favorite movie is probably "Faces of Death". As a matter of fact, it wasn't until recently that I pointed out to him that "The Exorcist" was not a musical comedy. His favorite Christian Rock Band is Pantera!

However, I know has is going to be a great dad. I am going to laugh myself into a coffin if it's a girl, though. He is going to be more protective than a super industrial strength Trojan condom. She'll be lucky to read or write by the age of 30. I can imagine him taking his daughter to the first day of school...with a 50cal. mounted on the minivan. Oh yes, the minivan. Nothing says I hate humanity and all it's rules like a minivan. He's going to learn to hate Barney with an absolute demonic hatred. He is going to love life. His existence as he knows it has ended.

He is going to learn that one little phrase will melt his heart ( i love you daddy). I truly am very happy for him. I wish him and his wife the best. They are going to make great parents.

Well, folks, that does it for me. Keep safe and dream big.

for my best friend Rod......

5 - Oh!

Well folks,

Here we are. Another week, another set of challenges. This week, I am going to try to drive deeper in the sea of insanity. Mind you, I'll start off at the shallow end and then take you into the deep end quickly. If you like it, stay in. If you don't like it, you can leave peacefully. However, if you do stay in the sea of sanity, please no peeing... and now, the insanity.

So there I was, minding my own business, surfing the Internet and looking at the news. That's when this worthless waste of information came up and hit me so hard it caused intellectual aneurysm. So it seems that cops in Chicago are getting in trouble for hitting fleeing criminals...oops, suspects... with their police cruiser. The fun part is that these cops have the videos of the incidents.

Now, before you think that I'm going to go on some political rampage, let's me reassure you that I'm not going to shove my political or religious beliefs down your throats. There are too many sites that do that.

So, back to the cops, I figure that the reason these guys are running from the cops is not because they were caught loitering. Police do take a lot of heat. Granted, there are so low-lives out there that give the boys in blue a bad name. They, however, are a few. The rest of them are constantly dealing with some seriously weird stuff. Their job is stressful enough, without putting limitations on how to protect the public from dirtbags who live only to make our lives miserable.

So in the spirit of American Ingenuity, I have come up with a plan to help the police enjoy their jobs a lot more and reduce the stress to nearly zero. So, I have developed five easy ways to help reduce the stress.

5. Not only are they allowed to ram the fleeing suspects, but the police cruisers will have those giant wheat tiller things that you see on the huge tractors in the midwest.

4. The police will now carry .50 cal Desert Eagle Handguns with phosphate-tipped Talon rounds.

3. Everyone will have a partner that is just like Mel Gibson's character from the Lethal Weapon movies.

2. All of them can now say, " Dead or alive you're coming with me!"

1. Four words... lifetime supply of doughnuts.

Before you go thinking that I'm all about defending everyone, let me tell you that I have had my run in with the law. For those of you familiar with driving in the Gunshine State ( this is not a typo), you all know that driving here is a nightmare. There are those of us who try to driving like normal people. So, there I was, driving towards my family's house ( on I-275, driving by the airport). The speed limit was 45mph. I was going 50mph, with the flow of traffic mind you. Out of nowhere, in my rear view mirror, I see a motorcycle cop. I pull over to let him pass, but to my surprise he was pulling me over! I'm thinking maybe something was wrong with my signal or something.

Before I continue, let me give you a visual of this gentleman. He was 6 foot plus. He must've wieghed at least 300lbs! When I saw him on his motorcycle, The only thing that I could think was how much he looked like a huge Kodiak Grizzly Bear, riding on a tricycle from the Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus.

When he walked up to the car, I literally couldn't see his face. The only thing I could see was his gunbelt. This dude was gi-normous! I wasn't going to get stupid with Officer T.J. Hooker. ( ah yes, William Shatner's Golden Globe Gem). I handed over my license and registration over, as I trembled like a UFC pro fighter whose manhood and dignity have been taken by a sweet little old lady.

To say the truth, I was expecting him to give me a warning and send me on my way. Rather than that happening, I was left in the fetal position on the floor of my car. He gave me a $185 ticket!!!! I was 5 miles over the limit! Talk about hardball! The funny part was that he told me that my car looked like it was speeding. WHAT!!! I drive a Rav4. When people envision the Rav4, it is not speeding. I barely break evolution's speeding limit, let alone Tampa's speed limit.

Anyway, since Copzilla wasn't going to hear it. I shut it up and bit the bullet. As I left, all I can say is that I stopped at a Walmart and bought myself a radar detector. So if any of you visit Tampa,Fl be aware. Keep safe and dream big!

To Boldly Go...

Here’s something that has grabbed my attention today. Apparently, in Paris, France, astronomers have detected the presence of methane in the atmosphere of a planet, known by the tag of HD 189733b, some 63 light years from Earth. The team has also discovered the presence of water in its atmosphere.
Wow! That is flipping amazing! WHATEVER!!! How about this… Where the bloody blue blazes is Osama Bin Laden? Seven years after 9-11 and we still can’t find the douche bag. Are you kidding me?!!!! We can detect methane molecules in the atmosphere of a planet we will never get to see, but we can’t find a six foot tall Saudi Arabian with a 25 million dollar bounty on his head. He’s on freaking dialysis for Christ’s sake! Seven flipping years and still nothing. This guy is coming out with more videos than the Girls Gone Wild franchise and we still manage to botch it up and not capture him. What gives?
How about this…we turn those super telescopes and center in on the mountains of Afghanistan and Pakistan and look until the damned things fall out of the sky. Or even better… We get some trigger happy hunting country boys, their bloodhounds, an unlimited supply of ammo, and let them loose on that mountain range. Heck, I’ll even pay for the plane tickets! In no time flat, we will have him.
If you ask me, it seems the power that be do not want him found. Don’t take my paranoia at face value though. I have a funny feeling that we will find Bigfoot, Nessy, Jimmy Hoffa, Elvis, and the existence of aliens before we find this worthless waste of genetic material. Keep safe and dream big.

What ever Happened to........

Here's something... For those of you who are old enough to remember, do you remember WHAM! ? Of course you do, don't hide your age. George Michael became an overnight sensation with the women because of it. This is until he came flying out of the closet like Johnny Blaze from the Fantastic Four ( Flame On!) My question is not about him. It's about the other guy. The guy that no one can remember. I mean, I bet he's thinking everyday, " I was in a group with George Michael and even I can't remember my name!" No one even calls him up!
Another one is Miami Sound Machine. Oh stop, you know full well that you loved doing the Conga. We all know that Gloria Estefan became a hit, but who the heck was Miami Sound Machine?!
All I know is that these people contributed in the creation of a pop culture icon and they can't even get a free meal at Denny's. I can just imagine them in the line at the local DMV ,getting upset about it , and voicing their opinion. "Do you know who I am?" The response will be "no". Followed by who cares you loser.
So just remember, if you bump into them on the street ( they'll probably ask you for spare change). Be nice and acknowledge them. Google(c) their name first. That way you know who the hell they are. remember to say hi and walk away fast. Keep safe and dream big.

Another Day in Florida

I know that I should be more understanding, but I think that driving in Tampa is going to drive me insane. the left hand lane is being used by maniacs driving at speeds to peel off the paint off their cars and driving right up on your bumper, while the right hand lane is being used by people that seem to be in a Presidental Funeral Procession. There is no happy middle.

These driving conditions become even worse when it rains. It seems like one little drop of water transforms almost all drivers into 90 year old grannies with glaucoma. Oh wait..... I do live in Florida..aka...God's waiting room.

This morning, on a 12 mile stretch of road, I saw 4 accidents. I saw one idiot cut across two lanes of traffic,without putting his/her blinker. Justice was served,however. The motorcycle he cut in front of was a Tampa Police Motor Officer. Tampa's finest taking care of Tampa's Dumbest.

I figure sooner or later some cosmic law will set things straight. If not, there's always the birdie.

Jasmine Playing

The Dangers of Gossip

Has anyone ever wondered why people love talking about other people. Some people say that it's the "I have information that you don't have" syndrome. Others say that it is the "I need to spice up life" syndrome. Now, if you ask me ( and since you're here on my blog, I take it you actually give a fat rat's glute.), I believe that people have nothing better to do. I've been the subject of many a gossip. Trustme, I've hated every single minute of it. It's like some people have nothing better to do other than cause some hate and discontent in someone else's life. I chose to not get involve in needless waste of braincells. What's worse is when gossip comes from guys. People think that only females have the market cornered on gossip. Boy oh boy! Guys are far more worse than females. It makes me think twice when a guy does it too. If he is easily taken to gossip, he is easily taken into getting his tail beaten. I'm not an advocate of violence, but it sure feels good in beating the living snot of a male gossiper. So, my friends just remember this; if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. If you do, just be aware that it leaves you fair game in getting the beating that your dear parents never gave you. Keep safe and dream big!

tic..........toc..........tic............toc........

work isn't bad today. kind of slow,though. I don't mind slow though. I'm just looking forward to this evening. I definately want to go to practice tonight. I need to get back on track. I missed quite a bit of class. My goal is to be at least purple before October. My ultimate goal is blue before October. This means that I have to get off my butt and start getting down to business.

...and we're off!

My first entry,so hopefully it will be alright. Nothing grand to report. Stitch had a nightmare last night and woke up really grouchy this morning. Jasmine woke up as always, beautiful and sharing her love, and sang her heart out. I worry about Stitch quite a bit. He's been through so much within a year's timeframe. It's a miracle he hasn't gone insane. At least I have him back and he's being nutured back to health. He'll be fine. All he needs is tlc.