Dazed and Confucius Part 1

Hey crazy cats, it's the start of another week. If you are anything like me (chances are you aren't), then you had a weird weekend. I'm not one to complain. Don't think that this entry is about complaining. It's more like a drive-by shooting in the "Twilight Zone". You might think that I'm exagerating. Just wait, you'll see.

Anyway, ever since my breakup, I've been a little hesitant in jumping back into the dating pool. Truth be told, I'd rather sit it out. However, My friends did advise me to just take it easy and go out on "fun" dates. I knew that this was not my cup of tea, but I listened. I should've steered away from all of it. I should've just said no, but no like a a kid with a book of matches and a lonely gas-doused box spring mattress I was drawn into it.

This weekend, I was surprised by being placed into two, yes two blind dates. I hate things things. You usually get the really ugly girl with tons of issues going on. You know the type, she probably just got out of the mental institution and her friends want her to jump into the real world and leave her personalities and imaginary friends behind.

Anyway, both were not pyscho. However, they pretty much were a total disaster. God bless my friends for trying though. Although, I feel as if they did it on purpose just to have something funny to talk about at the cooler at work on Monday morning. Never in my wildest would I ever subject my friends to the mental torture, that far surpasses that of Gitmo Bay, of setting my friends up on a blind date. Anyway, Karma will take care of those ingrates.

Let me tell you about the first one. The first one started off like a regular run of the mill date. We were to meet up at a local restaurant at 7 pm. I like being early in the event of problems on the road. I was there at 6:45 pm sharp. I received a text stating that she was going to be a few minutes late. 45 Minutes later, she finally arrives. I'm very forgiving. I decided to look past it and go in and eat. I would've known that God was trying to tell me to abort and hit the silk when we walked in and they told us that the wait time was an hour. I didn't listen though. I decided to go to another restaurant. Well, this one was very nice and the waiter was great! We sat down and ate and talked. Well, more ate than talked. She ate like an Ethiopian at The Golden Coral. I mean, damn! The girl was like not just hungry,but HUNGRY! I had to count my fingers a couple of times just to make sure that they were all there. Her voice was like that of Fran Drescher, Edith Bunker, and the sound of a very long obnoxious fart. I tried to overlook it. I know that I'm not a prized catch, but I know that I'm not that messed up.

Anyway, after the black hole finished eating everything, to include light and time, I felt kind of bad that she came from long away and I was moved to go somewhere else. So, I decided to take her to a comedy show. It was one of the best that I have seen in a long time. Did that stop this slowly unfolding Greek tragedy? Nope. God was determined to piss his robe that night. I resigned myself to the fact that this was a terrible idea.

We got out back back to my car... yes, my car. I wasn't planning to waste my gas on a terrible ordeal. I was just going to call it a night. Except, she decided she wanted to talk. Oh boy, you know where this is going to. I made my hints clear enough that there wouldn't be as much as a kiss on this one. She said she had a wonderful time and she wanted to do it again. I smiled and readied my gun to shoot her. I'd rather be in prison and be some felons love toy for 20 years to life rather than go out with her again. As soon as I saw a break, I left. I peeled out and left tracks like the De Lorean in "Back To The Future".

When I got home, I took off my clothes, burned them, and then scrubbed my body with acid; just so I could forget the nights events. I couldn't believe that I was subjected to such crassness and just plain rudeness. I try to overlook things, but I have standards.

I'm not hard to deal with. I love having fun. Just ask a certain redhead. I'm very easy-going. I love having a good time and love to make people feel special. However, when you're as subtle as a wreckingball to the groin, things usually go bad.

So I stand here wondering what is the whole realtionship thing worth anyway? It's hard to find someone you're compatable with. Then, it's not a sure thing because you really aren't sure if it's going to work. However, the adventure is in finding out.

Yes there are times when we cry. There are times when we get angry. However, realtionships are fun. We can't live without them. My problem is that I can't seem to be in one long enough. it seems like I'm a nice guy, but not the guy. Oh well... I'll continue to go forward.

By the way, That date didn't end with me high-tailing it out like I was set ablaze. A couple of days later, I recieved a text from Broadzilla. She stated that although we had a great time ( I wonder what date she was on), she felt that we didn't have a chemistry. Oh really! Thanks for that info there Nostra-dumbass!

Well folks, I'm going to end this one for right now. I have another great date to tell you about, but I'll leave that fiasco for another entry. Keep safe and dream big!

A Little Apology

Hey crazy cats, it's hump day! we're half way through the week. Just hang in there. The weekend is coming up faster than that nasty corned beef you ate for lunch! I can say that my change of position in the hospital has done me a world of good. This has been one heck of a blessing!

Anyway, I just wanted to take this moment to do something that most people cringe about doing. I want to take this opportunity and apologize for a misunderstanding that happened over an entry I made. Usually, when I make an entry, people read it and apply it to a situation in their lives. However, there are times where I don't specify enough and misunderstandings happen. This is what happened recently.

Now, usually people do not like to admit mistakes. I find that those who do admit mistakes are more brave because they have the strength to admit it and try not to let it happen again. I know that I am human. I will make mistakes. I acknowledge them and try to learn from my mistakes. I just hate the fact that someone was unintentionally hurt because there was a misunderstanding.

I don't want to embarrass the person and put them on "blast". She knows who she is. From the bottom of my heart, I'm truly sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone in any way.

I will continue to post my entries, but with a little more detail so people don't get the wrong idea. Well, I just want to take this little moment. Keep safe and dream big!

A Little Thought

Hello crazy cats! Another weekend is coming to a close. For most of us, it's back to work on monday. The weekend comes and goes so darn quickly. Oh well, it seems all of life is going the same speed. Today, I took the day to clean up the place a bit. I reverted back to my Navy days and cleaned the hell out of everything. I even gave the fish a bath!

My morning did not start off with this intention. I fell asleep last night around 4 am. I was very tired by the time I hit the sack. However, as cosmic law dictates, I woke up at 7 am. I tried, in vain, to go back to sleep. So, around 8 am, I got my butt out of bed. Now, usually normal people would just make breakfast and start their day. Not me. I was determined to tire myself out and go back to sleep. So, with this idea in mind, I decided to clean the house. No one ever told me that this is very addicting. I forgot about breakfast... and lunch and dinner. I noticed that my parrots were looking at me with a concern look. It was if as though they were betting on how long I could go before dropping dead.

The problem is that I didn't become tired. Oh no. I became more energetic! I know that the root cause of my energy is my stress. I try like crazy to reduce my stress. Yet, it's still there, like a buzzard waiting for its prey to fall dead. I keep on going.

I'm kind of glad that this cleaning bug has come over me. Usually sundays are bad for me. i hate that I have nothing to do on sundays. Most of my friends are working or spending time with their families (remember, I am single....). So, it becomes a trial trying to find something to do.

Anyway, that's not why I logged on and began to write this entry. I wanted to use this moment to get some things off my chest ( like I always do). Have you ever encountered a situation or person that just leaves you dumbfounded by the messed up way they approach life? You know, they don't pay their bills, or they blame their problems on everyone else but themselves, or they have more issues than The New Yorker, or they say something and mean something else? If you can't think of anyone, chances are you that person.

These people lull you into caring for them and then strike your very being with pain, like a demented kid with a wiffle ball bat. The thing is that they know they're causing pain, but they don't care. They would rather let you suffer because they do not want to suffer themselves. What is more messed up is that they make it seem that you provoked it. They're too afraid to accept their actions.

These people truly fall under the "poisonous relationships" category. they seem very pleasant at first. They weave their web of "woe is me" and "you can trust me". The problem is we fall for it. Our hearts and faith in love and caring are shattered every time we meet people like this. For some of us, we want to bring good to the world. We hear everyday how bad is it and we want to change that. We care for others. We want to lend a hand. We want to believe in love. We are also the ones who really get hurt.

To love is not a weakness. To care is not a disease. It is not a trait for some fallible part of our being. I stress that the most courageous people are those who love with no prejudice. Even though they might get hurt, they'll do it for the greater good.

However, these people aren't the ones we're discussing. People who use other people are really off their marker mentally. It's a narcissistic trait that they display. They believe in the "me" mentality. It's them before anyone else and if there is room left over, it's them even more. I personally can't stand those types. I dealt with them too much already. recently, I came across one who can't seem to get the idea the they are the one who is wrong. That's too bad. Even though I personally do not wish any harm, we see that Karma has a way of coming around. I just hope they realize it in time.

As for me, I'm going to continue to clean my house and try to eat something. I know that things happen for a reason. I'm just waiting to get my answer. Till then, have a great week. Love one another. Keep safe and dream big!

A Moment of Zen

Hey crazy cats, Another week is in full swing and things are marching along. for the most part, things are going as suspected. The events that transpired last week in my life had put my life on its ear. Yet, if you take a moment, things usually end right where they belong.


I believe that things usually work themselves right. I don't believe one should not do anything to remedy a problem. I believe that we must work and fight for our happiness. Sometimes, the problems are out of our hands. When that moment arrives in our life, we should wait for the right moment to act upon the situation. If you rush into things, that's where mistakes are made.


There's an old Native American concept of thinking seven steps ahead. Every action we do should take into account what is going to happen seven steps down. I think that this type of planning makes for decision making and less headaches from a radical idea or decision. An example is if you have a stone in your shoe, what do you do? One idea is to not do anything. If you take this course of action, then you're going to hurt. If you leave it and hurt, then you'll probably develop a sore spot, then a blister! From there, you run the risk of an infection!


Another option is to cut your leg completely off! That way, you don't have to worry about the stone or another rock going into your shoe... Ridiculous, huh?


All you needed to do was to take the darn stone out your shoe and problem solved. However, we as humans tend to take the answers to our problems to the extreme. We don't think about what the outcome is going to be in the long run. We see the short run answers. If we do look at the long run, it's in some obscure vision. We don't think of others, at times. We forget about the impact our decisions have on others around us. It's like tossing a stone into a pond. Even though you might have thrown the stone into the middle of the pond, the ripples can stretch out to the shore of the pond.

Decisions should be made with everything taken into in consideration. Like I said times before, humans are very selfish. We don't like to think of others. We want what's in it for us. Our satisfaction comes before the needs and feelings of others. I believe we weren't born like that. Children are kind of selfish, but they give with their hearts. They share when they see others are in need. I guess we have become like this over time. For me, it's time that we start thinking like that again.

Let's get in touch with our hearts. Let's open our hearts. When we do that, we will find our path in life. We will see things in a different light. Plus, this act is very contagious. Once we start, everyone else will follow. Bad habits spread, but so do good habits.

Well, I'm going to call this one done. Everyone...please be careful and please take care of each other. Live life and love like it's your last day on earth. Keep safe and dream big!

Matters of the Heart

Hey crazy cats, I hope everyone is having a great weekend and are safe. I just decided to sit down and type away at the keyboard. I have used it, for some time, to let my feelings out in a constructive way. You can type away anything your heart feels and the keyboard can take it. At times, I write funny stuff. There are other times where I make entries that are very mysterious. For the most part, I am straight to the point. Lately, I have been letting the readers in my personal life. I receive messages from friends and guests about how they enjoy the blog. I have received some advise and I greatly appreciate it.

As I stated in the last entry, I have been going through some tough times. I was in a relationship in which I was very satisfied and, for the first time in a long time, very happy. Unfortunately, it ended very abruptly. I thought to myself "what happened"? I thought things were going pretty good. We had a great weekend. We enjoyed each others company and we were laughing like mad. It wasn't another person. It wasn't an argument over political or religious beliefs. It wasn't over addictions. It was over growing.

Now, let me explain... We all must grow in a relationship. If we think that a relationship is supposed to be the same since day one, we have a recipe for disaster. We should never take for granted the love and caring of the other person. We must treat them as we want to be treated. This was present in our relationship. So... what was it? I believe it was fear. Fear of falling in love and trusting someone.

Relationships are hard to manage. Even those who have been married for over 50 years can tell you that there are times when it becomes hard work. When we have a partner in our lives, we should strive to always take them into consideration, without losing our identity in them. Love will make us do beautiful things for those we cherish. Their pain is our pain. Their triumphs are our triumphs. What happens when we change the layout of a relationship?

Loving someone means you are subject to getting hurt. Yes, love is grand! Yes, love feels good! However, love hurts sometimes. Being in love means you're going to be hurt. If you don't want to get bruised, you don't want to play football; if you don't want to fall down, you don't want to ski. The same is true for relationships: If you don't want to get emotionally hurt, you don't want to be in love. Why? Because you're going to love another fallible human being who is going to make mistakes, who is going to have faults, and who is going to inadvertently hurt you. You, too, are a fallible human being and you're going to make mistakes. You are going to do things that hurt your partner, even if you don't want or mean to.

Some people expect too much in a relationship. They depend on the other person to be their personal caretaker. They hang on every decision made by the other person and don't care to have an opinion of their own. They try to become a carbon copy of the other person, not realizing the a relationship is most beautiful when two people bring diversity into it.

Other people expect too little from a relationship. They are so sure they can never feel whole and complete with another human being that they never give themselves the chance to have their needs for love and intimacy met. They equate intimacy with pain and do everything they can to insulate and protect themselves from it. They do not know that there are two kinds of pain: pathological pain that comes from dysfunctional, unsafe relationships and the healthy pain of growth in normal intimate relationships.

We can't expect to get things right the first time in any relationship. Arguments will come up and tears will be shed. It is, after all, love. Whether we chose to ignore it or accept it, it is always present. Hearts will be broken and mended. I love you and I'm sorry will continue to be said. We should begin to change our ways and embrace the love that another person has given to us. It is a gift after all.

So where does that leave me? I'm still alone. However, I shall continue to give myself fully in any relationship. I hope that things will change. I hope that tomorrow will bring better news. My faith tells me that it will. In the meantime, I will be always ready. life is beautiful. We should enjoy it all. it's the only one we have. Keep safe and dream big!

The Dark Clouds

Hey crazy cats, I hope everyone is being safe this weekend. Unfortunately for me, I had an incredibly trying week. It began on Monday when I found out that a close friend of mine regrettably took his life. The news really shook me because I would have never imagined this tragedy. As I write this entry, I still am in shock over the events that transpired. I know that his family will have to take lots of time to heal from this life-altering event. My heart and prayers goes out to them.

In other items, I regrettably have to inform that a certain person and I are no longer seeing each other. I really thought that this one might really begin to change everything. Alas, I was wrong. It didn't end as most relationships end. However it ended anyway. I do feel upset. I am sad. I wish things would have turned out different. Let me be the bad guy in this one. I'll take the hit. As a matter of fact, it usually is the guy who takes the heat. I don't mind.

One thing is for sure, I didn't cheat. I never lied. I don't have any regrets. One thing I have noticed recently, women have a tough time accepting the fact that a guy can care and love with all their heart. I am guilty of that. I can't stand the society in which we live in today. Everything has become disposable. There is no willingness to try to work at something worth fighting for. However, both must be willing to work at it. I leave this relationship with the knowing that I worked at it. I really hope to one day find that special someone. I know she is out there somewhere.

I know I'm going to need some time after this one. I did get too involved. that's what happens when you're a romantic. Again, no one is to blame. It just didn't work out. Did I agree with the breakup? No. Did I fight against it? No. Why you may ask? I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. We all have free will. We chose our own destiny. We make our lives.

So as I end this week, I look back at the losses. None of them were for the good. I grieve over both. However, tomorrow is a new day. The sun shall rise. Although it hurts, it will get better. I ask for prayers for those of us who hurt, mourn, and cry tonight. I say to them to lean on me as I lean on you. We will get through this. Use my strength to get you through. today you lean on me. Tomorrow it will be me on you.

To everyone else I ask to take care and love each other as if it were your last day. Love unconditionally. Respect each other. Say I love you. If tomorrow never comes, will the ones you love know how much you loved them? Keep safe and dream big!