Life is a Beach

Hey crazy cats! The holidays are all over us like head lice on a trailer park trash kid. We have endured the storm that is known as 2008. For most of us, it has been a year full of trials and tribulations. For others (like myself), it has been a year of enlightenment. I've learned so much in a year. I am willing to say more than I have learned over the last ten years. Father once said, " If you can't achieve it with love, you can't ever achieve it.". I believe it to be true. Many of my friends have worried about me over the last couple of years. I know that today they breath alot easier as they see the storm finally passing in my life. It has been a very bumpy road, but I'm very happy with the things that are happening. Everything that happens in life , in essence, is a stone needed to construct a bridge needed to cross the great divide that separates man from his creator.

Before you go thinking I'm getting too whatever, let me assure you that I'm not a Bible-thumping person who thinks that everyone is going to hell if they don't accept my way of thought. Trust me, I'm very far from that. I just want to share some of the stuff that has helped me enrich my life and is part of something that make me who I am.

For starters, if you hadn't noticed, I love laughing at things that would anger alot of people. I think that if do not have a sense of humor or the ability to laugh at life's ugly moments, then you are bound to suffer alot. not meaning to say I haven't got issues. God only knows I have more issues than "The New Yorker". This was put to the test during and after my divorce. This moment, up to date, has been the most destructive event that has happened in my life. People have asked me if I hate my ex-wife for the way she destroyed our marriage. I can honestly say no. I wish her the best in life. I gave all my love, all my soul, all of my being to our marriage, but it wasn't enough. I would have given anything, at the time, to save the one thing that God gave me that I loved with all my heart. She once said that love never fails. Truth be told, she is right. However, something else failed. It was the faith in that things could get better with effort is what failed. I was willing to seek help. She wanted out. I learned you can't love for two people. I have no regrets.

So here I am two and a half years into the single life. It has been a very strange time. Things have changed since last I was single. Women have become very aggressive. That's cool... to a certain extent. Call me old-fashioned, I guess. Yet, a new sun has risen in my life. A new relationship has taken root. Am I afraid? Is a turkey afraid of November? However, I am not a coward. I push forward. I want to see what's beyond the horizon.

I do like my life. I think it's wonderful that although life throws you some pretty ugly fastballs, if you want, you can be better than before you started. I'm not saying that there's never going to be days when I feel like trash. Those days will come. They just make me appreciate the good days when they come. It's all how you look at your problems.

Well folks, I'm going to cut it short for today. I am ready to party and have fun with family. Everyone take good care of one another. Don't let Santa catch you being naughty. Remember, the guy is wanted in 14 different countries. He is considered armed and dangerous. Anywho, have fun this holiday season. Keep safe and dream big.

Bless You...

Hey crazy cats, Just thought I'd get in a couple of thoughts before Christmas. Have you ever had one of those moments in which you witnessed something so embarrassing that you felt bad for the person? You know what I'm talking about, you here the priest fart during mass, you see someone's grandmother picking a wedgie, or you see someone slip and fall. It's really embarrassing for them and double for the person bearing witness to it. However, there are people out there that don't care about themselves and basically could care less if something like that happens to them.

Case in point.... Imagine, if you will, you're in a hospital setting. Your main goal is to make sure patients come in and get themselves registered into the hospital's database, prior to seeing the doctor. A couple walks up to you with identification in tow. As you say good morning to the couple, the gentleman sneezes and a HUGE snot bubble forms in his right nostril. If that isn't bad enough, the left side shoots a mega-ultra-gooey repelling snot line that can serve as a mooring line for the Queen Elizabeth 2! What do you do?!!!

Obviously you saw it! You can't pretend to not have seen it. For crying out loud, the astronauts on the ISS saw it! It literally took half a box of facial tissue to clean up his face. He looked like he just finished clearing the birth canal and still had some afterbirth all over himself. It was that nasty!

I felt so flippin bad and nauseous at the same time. As I curled over into the fetal position and began to rock back and forth, while chanting " it's going to be ok...it's going to be ok...", I realized that this individual didn't care about the avalanche of boogers that had left his nose. he was ok with the fact that gallons of nose bats went flying out of his nose like the opening sequence of "Scooby Doo, Where are You?". What gives?

Have we, as a society, given up on the whole personal pride thing? It really bothers me to walk down the halls of the hospital and see a guy "adjusting himself". It bothers me even more when I see a woman doing the same! Well...maybe she isn't...a....woman.....nevermind! Please people, I ask one thing of you for the new year. Let's tell the people who think it's fine to do these things that it is not! Maybe then we can stop seeing these things and get back to our daily lives of picking our noses in private and hiding the booger under the chair you're sitting in. Take care everyone. Keep safe and dream big!

Happy Ramahanikwanzistmas Kipur and a Happy New Year! Part 3

Hey crazy cats! With less than a week left before Christmas, I thought that I would share some of the troubles we go through during the holiday season. In the first two parts, I discussed the odyssey into buy gifts and getting the Christmas Tree. Now comes the part that we all are so familiar with.... the family.

Usually, family reunions are fun. During the holidays, they are a new dimension in hell. God forbid you have the family gathering at your house. If that's the case, prepare yourself for the police, the fire department, the EMTs, and a UN Envoy coming over. It usually starts innocently enough. Then, members of the family that no one wants to show up usually do. You think " It's Christmas. What can possibly happen?" As you're being escorted away by the court bailiff, you realize alot can go wrong.

However, at the time, we fall in love with the idea of a big family Christmas. We decorate our house like some nightmare from "Better Homes and Gardens". We stench up the place with some insane pine scenty candles. Finally, in the tortured spirit of the holidays, we put on sappy Christmas music from CD we thought we never had. It's amazing how many Christmas Cd's we have. We have Christmas Cd's from Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, Faith Hill, The Chipmunks, Mariah Carey, Larry the Cable Guy, Run DMC, Marylin Manson, Elvis Presley, That stupid "grandma got run over by a reindeer" song, Tupac's Krismus in Da Hood, The "Feliz Navidad" song, and Disney's Christmas 4-ever vols. 1-248643135471353157!

As soon as the family starts to arrive, the troubles begin. We have the uncle who smokes, the uncle who drinks too much and ends up fighting everybody, the uncle who drinks too much and ends up loving everybody, the aunt whose husband left her for a younger woman, the insane grandmother, the deadbeat brother-in-law, the stuck-up cousins, the slutty sister who has more tattoos and piercings than a die-hard Hell's Angels biker, the mother from hell, the cousin who just got out of jail but will go back to jail once the night is through, the gay nephew, the really religious aunt who tries to convert everybody during the dinner because she wants to let you know that you live in sin but Jesus still loves you, the sister whose son is in the Coast Guard but she's so proud of him that he's fighting terrorism being stationed in Oregon, those really dirty kids that your sister inherited when she married that bum that the whole family said that she shouldn't marry, and finally... one pissed off grand dad.

All these people cant keep their mouths shut during dinner. That's why in February, they will discover that bleeding ulcer. The intentions were noble, but they are like retarded jackals. I have a saying... " even the worst disasters started out with the best intentions." By the way, everyone will hate dinner.

So there you are... stuck in a house of people you want to kill and hating life. Just think, after dinner, you don't have to see these people for another year. So after they lay waste to your house like a category five hurricane, you feel moreat ease as the last bunch of them leave your house. Hey, be happy you're not hispanic. We have Three Kings Day in January! Keep safe and dream big.

Sea World at Christmas

Tis The Season....

Hey crazy cats! Well, the year is finally winding down and we're in the full holiday swing. We here at Sam's Paradise have already got into the full holiday cheer. That's why you haven't seen many postings as you're accustomed to. This time of year is also a time in which we reflect on all the things that have happened. Now before you think this is going to be some sappy year-in-review entry, let me reassure you it's far from it.... sort of.

One of the funniest things that I've discovered, since joining the human race, is the we are very sentimental creatures ( with a heavy accent on the mental part of the word). The Christmas Carols, the lights, and the feeling of joy overwhelm us to the point we overlook things that would've bothered us if it happened at another part of the year. We overlook the used tampon who cuts us off while we are driving to work. We forgive the worthless douche bag who makes our lives less livable when they argue with the cashier at WalMart over the price of a "Larry The Cable Guy" Shirt. Finally, we forgive the f***stick who repeatedly calls the house at 3:25 in the morning, asking for Laquisha just so he can make up with her.

My question is why do we tend to be nicer at this time of year? It's the same thing, no matter what month is it. Is it because we believe that Santa Claus is Watching us? By the way, I believe Santa Claus is Actually a member of Al Qaida. I have incriminating evidence to support my claim. He threatens you into not crying or pouting. He sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake! (the pervert!) He breaks into your house in the middle of the night. If you don't leave cookies out for him, he kills your family and makes it look like you did it. You don't believe me? Ask O.J. Simpson. Do you know if you rearrange the letters in Santa you get Satan? This is not a coincidence my friends. To hell with hunting down Usama Bin Laden. We need to stop Santa and his legion of elf martyrs! He holds every...... Ahem.... ok back to reality...

Anyway, we tend to be alot nicer. If we are like this for a few weeks, why can't we be like this all year round? We should....... You know, I really think Santa should be dealt with. I know, I know... Let it go, Sam... I just can't. I for one am going to ask the President and The United Nations to deal with the Santa Menace! His reign of tyranny ends this year! No more will that fat f**k pass up my house again. Down with Santa!

Anyway folks, you guys enjoy yourselves this holiday season and may everything you ask for come true. Keep safe and dream big!

Get Your Ticket Now.....

Well....well....well.... Looks like the votes are almost all in and it's almost that time to tally up the votes.....So in my favor I'm giving out free tickets to be redeemed after the contest.

The most recently asked questions:

1.Well 3D you might ask what are these tickets and how can I use it?

It's simple....simply tell all your MYSPACE/FACEBOOK....and all the other website connections about:

www.sams-paradise.blogspot.com

2.How can I use my ticket?

Anyway you like....But keep in mind the emails come in so often I will respond to them as I receive them

3.Why is 3D giving away free tickets?

That answer is simple...Because of YOU....Our FANS!!!!! You deserve something nice!

Once you've accomplished that misson post a comment on here and I'll personally send you an ticket email...

So here's the ticket email you'll receive:

It's called a B.J. Ticket yes men can get a free B.J. at anytime with this ticket just present the ticket to your wife or girlfriend...Tell them 3D sent you and if they don't know who I am shame on you.....

Ladies this works for you too! Simply print our your B.J. ticket and give it to your man,husband or male friend...if you float both ways hey give it to your girlfriend....If they all act up give it to one of their friends...

Wait a minute I see a few of you smiling too hard to receive this B.J. ticket....

Let me explain to you how the B.J. ticket is used:

1st of all B.J. stands for Bologna and Jelly...See I knew you were all thinking something else...But when you want a friend or loved one or just a fling to do something good for you...Promise them a B.J. ticket that can be redeemed at any time...You'll be suprised how many gifts and chores you'll receive and get done.

Okay for making you all think something totally off guard-I'll answer any question asked directly to me and I'll make it a blog so all of you can get to know 3D.

I hope you ALL enjoy the holidays and take care of one another!

Live...Love...Life

Celebrity Status

WOW.....I feel so honored and a bunch of other emotions feel my heart when I get on here and see I have a fan club. I want to thank ALL of you especially Mr.3DeeFan. I can't begin to explain what it does to me every time I log on and see people replying to our post and enjoying our videos.I must admit all of you make us feel like CELEBRITIES....Stay tuned and keep following us I promise it'll get better as time goes on!

Live....Love....Life